Tag Archives: chicago dating

The Last Bullet Point Tuesday: Chloe’s Coming Out

Over the past seven weeks or so, I’ve received several inquiries about my status on the interweb. So first of all, thank you for your love and concern. And a big shout out to @StPattysChicago for continuing to show me unwavering and slightly creepy faith in my return. You are one, weird, anonymous Twitter personality, and I love you for it.

The truth is that I lost someone very close to me. He was my cousin, but first he was my friend. His death was sudden, unexpected to us, and thus has been quite painful for those who loved him. Which seems to be just about anyone that knew him. I, like apparently hundreds of others, was lucky enough to count him among one of my closest friends.

Strange things happen when we endure grief. There are short-term and long-term effects when it comes to mourning, and I’ve been witness and been a part of both. For the first ten days following my cousin’s death, I couldn’t make it to 1 P.M. without a drink or go to sleep at night without Advil PM. Slowly, I can now make it until 5:00 to have an adult beverage. Still need the Advil PM, though.

But perhaps more notable are the long-term effects. Since my cousin’s passing, I’ve seen those close to him do the following: quit a job, move to a new city, create music, spend more time with family, pursue their dreams, quit a job, lessen the workload in a day, take up painting, write poetry, read more, and–the favorite–quit a job.

I guess when something like this happens, it causes you to put things in perspective. Even your moderately successful dating blog.

Which brings me here, dear reader. To part with Chloe Cline.

  • The Back Story

Chloe Cline is my pen name. Well, now former pen name. I started this blog when I was high school teacher and the last thing I wanted was for my students to find it and walk into class the next day saying, “Heeeeeyyyy….read about your date last night.” So I made up a name. It worked until some students started following me on Twitter to mess with me. Which also worked.

  • Why I Kept Chloe

Post-teacher life, I wanted to keep Chloe Cline as my pen name because, well, it seemed easier than switching everything over. And I could kinda pretend Chloe was an extension of myself. My Hannah Montana, so to speak. It also made it easier for me to write about a guy without him finding it. Until that didn’t work, either.

  • The Big Reveals

So who the hell am I? Well, you’ll have to check out my new blog to see. That’s right. Shameless plug. Here’s a breakdown of who everyone else was on the blog, though:

  • Lexi: Amanda Bynes
  • Lily: Taylor Swift
  • Daisy: Beyonce
  • Elliott: David Spade
  • May: Anne Hathaway
  • Fran: Fran
Processed with Rookie

It’s all making sense now, right?

 

So. Thank you for partaking on this rather strange, yet hopefully entertaining, journey of dating with me. Chloe Cline certainly served a purpose for the time. Just like all my ex-boyfriends. I hope you come along with me in the next part of the odd and uncertain future. (For the five of you who are still on board, here’s the link to my new blog.)


Bullet Point Tuesday: Online Dating (Again)…Because I’m Not a Quitter

-BridesmaidsSo this Sunday I decided to fire up the old OkCupid profile. You know, to do something nice for myself.

And enough time had passed in my online dating stints that I forgot. I forgot how depressing online dating is. Especially on Sunday.

Because…even though it’s online, it’s pretty transparent. I mean, you can see who’s viewed your profile, who’s seen a message you sent and never responded, and if you look really closely, you can see your standards–and dignity–fading fast.

I’m not sure about other sites–I’m too cheap to try them and OkCupid is free–but it just serves as a reminder of what’s really out there for you.

Exhibit A: Nicely Bearded Man, 31

After clicking on his profile, here’s what I found:

  • Works at Ace Hardware
  • Fired from Ace Hardware (so the above should be in past tense)
  • Tried nursing school, but it was “too boring”
  • Lives with his parents
  • Currently looking for roommates (maybe he got this site confused with Craigslist)
  • Looking for a trendy, good-looking woman with a “career”

But you know what–I have to give this homeboy credit for putting it out there. How many times, ladies, have we been out with a guy and it’s just this snowball of horrible information: I don’t have a job–BOOM–I’m completely unambitious with my life’s goals–BOOM–I’m going to pretend I forgot my wallet and make you pay for my negronis–BOOM–

Exhibit B: Blondie, 32

For those of you who haven’t been on OkCupid (or hit rock bottom), the service provides a space for you to fill out a self-summary. It’s super awkward because no one really knows how to talk about him/herself without sounding incredibly lame. But we all fill it out in the name of finding true, OkCupid love. Here’s how this homeboy’s went:

  • My Self-Summary: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, blah

I know. WHERE is that second-to-last comma?? Is he so lazy he can’t even correctly punctuate his “ironic” self-description? I. Can’t. Even.

Exhibit C: Too-Good-To-Be-True, 36

This guy was just a little too good-looking–like did you airbrush your photos or just step off a Ralph Lauren photo shoot?

I thought about messaging him anyway until I saw this:

  • Optimal dating age bracket: 20-31

Hold up, dude. You’re ok with dating someone who still has to bring a fake ID to the bar and you’re 36? Yeah….I’m out.

Exhibit D: the Creative Message Guy

I received the following message from this homeboy:

  • “Do you think sneakers, sandals, or flip flops look better on a guy with shorts and a T-shirt?”

First of all, unless she’s a store clerk, do not ask a woman you don’t know for fashion advice. Second of all, none of that footwear is appropriate for a grown ass man. Neither are shorts, which I imagine are of the cargo-nature. Don’t even get me started on guys who think it’s acceptable to wear concert shirts to any place other than the gym.

Just imagine if the situation was reverse. If I sent that message to a guy: “So, do you think I should wear my TOMs or clogs or Crocs with my oversized sweatpants from high school?”

Dude was from Indiana, though, so I guess I have to cut him some slack.

 

*This is just an obligatory * after the plethora of my ***** were called out last week. See, dear reader, I listen.**

**Kinda. I just had no real after-thoughts on this one.***

***See what I did there? Ok, I’ll stop.  

 


Bullet Point Tuesday: The First Date Debate

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A few days before my date with (much younger) Cute Guy, I received a text from him inquiring where I’d like to go. I requested somewhere that we could sit outside and enjoy some some drinks and food. He suggested … Continue reading

Bullet Point Tuesday: Dating in the Summer

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When you tell people that you’re not dating, you get all kind of reactions. And their reactions are very indicative of how in tune they are with the reality of Tinder or owning an unlimited supply of Mace. “Really? Summer … Continue reading

Bullet Point Tuesday: Why You Gotta Be So Dude

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Every once in awhile, something comes along in pop culture that signifies a slight fall in our society. For some, ultra-conservative “political” columnists, it’s the country’s enthusiasm about a team sport.* For me, it’s the country’s enthusiasm about a song … Continue reading

Bullet Point Tuesday: This One’s for the Boys

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It’s come to my attention that not only do I have a strong male readership (hey boys!), but that there’s also a major gap in what women expect from a guy in dating and what is actually happening. Of course, … Continue reading

Bullet Point Tuesday: This is Thirty

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With the recent passing of my 30th birthday, I thought that somehow my general life skills would automatically improve in this new decade. I envisioned it kinda like Daylight Savings. You wake up, and suddenly there’s more light. This past … Continue reading

Bullet Point Tuesday: What 30 Means

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This past weekend, I went to the opening of Fig&Olive, drank beers outside at Sheffield’s, sang Little Mermaid karaoke at Louie’s, and hung by the pool. And did this other thing. Turned thirty. And after years of dispensing relationship advice … Continue reading

Bullet Point Tuesday: Nashfail

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In case you’re not one of the five people who actively follow me on Twitter (shout out to @StPattysChicago!), then you may not know that my family and I went to Nashville this past weekend. Upon our arrival, I was … Continue reading

Bullet Point Tuesday: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Minutes

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As I was bullet pointing the highlights of the past two weeks, it became painfully clear that, perhaps, there’s an element of self-sabotage when it comes to my dating life. Either that, or I am truly just an effing moron. … Continue reading