My Nana is the most bad ass woman I have ever–or will ever–know. Widowed at 47, she moved up to northern Michigan at 50 and started a brand new life for herself in a place where she knew no one and you have to use binoculars if you want to get a glimpse of the neighbors.* She’s also an award-winng artist, has beaten cancer twice, and has had (and rejected) more marriage proposals than Elizabeth Taylor.
So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I take her dating advice quite seriously. And in this light (and as a social experiment), I introduced her to Tinder. Spoiler Alert: Nana had no right swipes for the gentleman of Tinder. She did, however, have a list of guidelines for them.
Nana’s Rules for Tindering
- Do Not Have a Picture of You With Another Girl
Nana was pretty adamant about this one. She didn’t care if the other woman “could possibly” be his sister, and was rather put off by the idea that a man would put himself out there with a pic of another lady. “So stupid,” she muttered.
- Do Have a Pic of You Dressed Up…Unless You Were Standing Up in a Wedding Wearing a Turquoise or Pink or Orange Vest and Bow Tie
Nana don’t play with no scrubs. But she also laughed her ass off at the homeboys lined up with their arms around each other in matching prom-styled cummerbunds. Taken out of the wedding context, and you guys look more like a traveling a cappella group. A bad one.
Sure, there’s nothing sexier than a man looking down at his own shaven chest, but Nana made a valid point that you can’t trust a man who doesn’t show his eyes.** Left swipe.
- Do Not Have Your First Pic as a Group Pic
Nana was disappointed several times to learn that the “good looking chap” in the first group photo was not, in fact, the “gentleman’s” profile we were viewing. Nana’s advice? Do not put a picture out there with people that are much better looking than you. Know yourself, brah.
Just in case you want to see Nana in Tinder action, my mom caught a clip.
**Also helps us determine if you have serial killer eyes.